Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Jonah Joshua (Chip) Hunter's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, February 11th, 2007
5:09 pm	Great news! Hailey is coming this weekend too. Her parents paid for a plane ticket for her when they still thought I was going to have the cancer tests next weekend. And they said, it doesn't matter, go see him, you're probably worried about him. So she will be here all next weekend. Yes, the rents will be around too, but they can go do their own thing. I will get her a pass so she can come in and out of the dorm with her ID (Penn is actually pretty civilized about that kind of thing) and it should be so cool. Everyone thinks maybe I'm a little weird for having a long distance girlfriend, so they will finally be able to see how so worth it she is. (Comment on this)
Saturday, February 10th, 2007
9:42 am	Ha ha, I fooled everyone and got the tests done this weekend. I made all the arrangements on my own, didn't tell the rents or anyone, walked in to the hospital with my bags yesterday and they sprung me at 7 this morning, said go home, we've done all the tests, we don't see any cancer but we need to see all the test results. And I have to visit the doctor on Tuesday to discuss self examination. God, all this fuss and worry over one little thing they took out which was obviously nothing. I'm amazed they got done so quick, they said not to plan to go back to the dorm until maybe Monday. But it helped I had no Friday afternoon classes, so most of the shit got done pretty fast. I didn't sleep very much, a little nervous I guess. Anyway, they have so much of my blood and other bodily fluids I had better go down to the convenience store and get some liquids. Rents are pretty mad though, sort of. They were planning to come in and hold my hand through all the tests, it was supposed to be next weekend. They are still coming, they said they haven't been here in a while anyway. And they are already criticizing me on making poor decisions. So what else is new. Anyway, I am feeling a lot better and will feel even better once those lab results come in. I have spent more time with doctors the past month than I ever want to again. Look, I'm healthy, every which way. Everyone is so overcautious and overprotective. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 6th, 2007
1:03 pm	I saw the guy. They don't THINK anything is wrong, but they aren't sure so they want me to have some tests. Next weekend. I'm not wild about the idea, but what can you do? This is serious shit. Oh, and I told him that he can't be telling my parents stuff, that I will tell them. He said he was just trying to save time since for sure they would call him and want the technical stuff, but if that is the way I want it, that is fine with him. Rents are flying in. Hailey is trying to come too. You know she's never been to Philly? She's trying to share a ride with someone. I tried to stop the rents but they didn't listen to me. They have already booked rooms at the Penn Tower. I just have to make sure they give me some room, I'm not a kid and do not need them holding my hand or hanging out constantly in my room. So I should be out of action for about two days. I have to pack enough clothing for three days though. Just at HUP/CHOP, right down the street from my dorm. I can bring my computer, but they don't have wireless and I can't use my cell phone. I go in Friday after class and am hoping they spring me Saturday but they told me not to count on leaving until Monday. In fact they wanted me in this weekend but I said I oculdn't risk missing school. I did a little medical research myself and from what I can tell, the doctor played it straight with me. There is probably nothing wrong but I guess they don't want to get sued if there is. (Comment on this)
Monday, February 5th, 2007
6:38 pm	The results came back "inconclusive". What the fuck does that mean? Anyway, I go see the guy at his office tomorrow and he'll tell me more. Parents are absolutely freaking out. Well, so am I but at least I'm being mature about it. And they knew before I called them. Got to put a stop to that. (Comment on this)
Saturday, February 3rd, 2007
9:21 pm	A little nervous this weekend waiting for the test results. Not only that Penn lost in basketball. Rents wanted to fly into town. Told them if they did that I would take my old car and leave town for the weekend. They stayed home, but they were going "Oh Chip, talking that way is so immature". Parents. Not much else going on. (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 1st, 2007
7:21 pm	I had that lump out in my thigh today. My parents got the name of someone at Hahnemann Hospital and he looked at it and he said he wanted it out so he could examine it and it happened like that. Same day service. He saw me in the morning, he made some calls and I was "on the table" at 2 pm. Had to miss a class, but I will get the notes. It wasn't painful. I had to pay for a fucking taxi to take me home, they wouldn't let me leave the hospital on foot. I was there for about two hours. It didn't hurt and there was an opening maybe an inch long, all sown up. The stitches will come out in two weeks. I am supposed to rest it, but when do I have time to rest. Anyway, a little more worried about what they took out. They said it looked OK, not cancerous, but they have to run tests to make sure, they can't be 100 percent sure by eyeball. They said I should call that doctor on Monday after 5 pm and he will have the test results. I am a little worried, but of course my parents are freaking. They spend too much time on WebMD as it is. They said it is almost certainly a watery cyst and I asked the question about 5 different ways. That is not a problem. (Comment on this)
Monday, January 29th, 2007
5:19 pm	Things are still going OK. Semester is under way, the weather in Philly hasn't been that bad, though it is cold right now. Parents have been keeping their distance, they are still so fucking overprotective it kills me. And their constant insinuations I should get help are killing my confidence. I am tempted to say that this sort of thing led to my problems that summer after high school, except that it really didn't and they know it. They know too much because of that, I'm afraid. Classes are hard, but I am dealing with them. I am really starting to get into the math stuff. I am going to apply for an internship here, that is the sort of thing that can lead to a job as a TA if I go to grad school, all sorts of stuff. The math department loves me, what can I say? The car thing should happen when I go home in two weeks. I think a car was worth staying overnight in a hospital and getting an evaluation. Oh, my copy showed up. I took it to my shrink who sort of shrugged and said it didn't say anything we didn't already know, that I have adjusted to most things in there and he considers me very healthy considering what I have been through. I did see a doctor about that lump in my thigh, he said it looked like a watery cyst, they will take it out and take a look at it to be sure, but that it was not going to be a problem. I have to go in, they aren't going to make me stay overnight, the whole thing will take about two hours and they aren't even knocking me out, just a local. Things with Hailey are reasonably cool. She said she'd tell me what to say to my parents if they started up again, I said I didn't want that, I would deal with it myself. Look, I think she's the one and I hope we spend our lives together and she'll probably run my life for me, but right now, I'm not ready for that. I need to break free of my parents on my own. (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 20th, 2007
12:25 pm	Things have calmed down with the rents. They kept saying I should consider another evaluation, of course they like that awful program in Minnesota where they don't let you leave until the six weeks are up and you might have to stay longer after that (I saw pictures on one web site that blew my mind,it is a damn good thing I'm not 17 anymore). Anyway, once they accepted that I would see the shrink twice a month, and go to a group (I called it group therapy which it isn't), they were pretty calm and left me alone When Hailey found out about the whole thing, she was pretty angry. She said I was letting my parents walk all over me, that I was bending over and letting them stick . . . well, you get the idea, she likes analogies like that. I hate when she gets angry. But she said I was just giving them ammo when I agreed to go in for 24 hours, even if I was getting rewarded with a car (she is glad about the car though). She said they weren't letting me grow up and I was helping them do that. Anyway, things are cool now. That guy Gary who goes to all the Simple Plan shows (he is in Brazil now, lucky guy) promised to try to get me a backstage pass when Taste of Chaos comes here. He knows Senses Fail. He says he won't know until a few days before, though. That would be so cool. The Used are going to be there. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 17th, 2007
6:39 am	Anyway, I met with that shrink I used to see in Philly yesterday after class. He agreed, my parents were totally off the wall in making me sign myself in for 24 hours (they only kept me 19 hours, by the way) for an evaluation. But he said I was sort of asking for it. He said that very few 19 year olds would agree to that, whatever their parents said, and that I was too ready to do what my parents wanted. He said that I was sending them mixed signals, and it was no wonder they were asking about oppositional defiant disorder (which I don't have) because one minute, I'm doing unreasonable things just because they ask for it, the next I'm questioning and refusing. He said that in my heart, I'm still a kid, that the way I present, the way I dress, my body language sort of says it, and I need to tell the world I'm an adult. Starting with telling myself. He says the times he's seen me wear the shirts Hailey has helped me buy, I look much more grown up, and I should get more like them and have her help me shop. I said she's 800 miles away, he says ever hear of the internet? I need to work on improving my self confidence and being more assertive and not letting myself being pushed around. And he wants me to join a support group, he'll find me an appropriate one, and see him twice a month. He says if I don't work on this stuff, I'll wind up being the world's oldest emo kid, and depressed as well (which isn't fair, I've never been an emo kid, guess he doesn't know quite as much about students as he thinks he does.)(but I understand what he means). And if my parents bring up the idea of having me go into one of those six week programs or whatever, I need to be firm without being childish that those aren't intended for me, I don't need them, and I'm doing just fine, thank you very much. He says those are for kids who are having trouble getting along with authority figures so they can exist OK in school or home, and my problem is the opposite, I let authority figures walk all over me. Anyway, I left his office feeling a lot better, because I was fearing all along I had a mental illness that my parents could see because they've known me since I was born, and when I said that, he said, Chip, you're so normal you fight against it sometimes, except you try to tone down how smart you are because you think you'll fit in better if you act dumb. And that I don't have any mental illnesses, other than the depression thing which has mostly gone away. So that was a good meeting. Anyway, on the car thing, I'll go home in a few weeks and pick it out, I want it to be a weekend that Hailey is home from Wisconsin so she can help me. Maybe she can help me break it in with a nice overnight road trip someplace. Feeling a lot better. (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 14th, 2007
3:21 pm	Good news, I had my evaluation, and nothing wrong's with me. My parents are fantasizing again (You should have heard them in the interview "Oh, Chip's making such poor decisions". They took me there last night saying the hospital wanted to start me early in the morning. So I spent the evening hanging with the kids there "Wow, you're in college? What the fuck are you doing here then?" (age limit is 19). People there made it clear I could leave just by asking to and signing a form cuz it was a closed unit and they didn't want me to feel freaked out. I spent most of last night playing one of the playstation 2's they had there until they shut down the lounge at midnight. They got me up at 5 a.m. wanting me to piss into a cup and wanting my blood and they wouldn't let me drink coffee or eat breakfast until they gave me a complete physical. Only thing they found wrong is there is a little lump on my thigh they think is a watery cyst and may have to come out, and I can get that done outpatient at Penn. They were VERY thorough. Then they let me have this awful breakfast, no coffee, and then they had me do the psychological tests and have an interview with my parents. Then interviews alone. Then I sat around the teen lounge again until they gave me a worse lunch, still no caffeine. They said there was nothing obviously physically or mentally wrong with me, but they still want to wait for all the test results to come back. They will do a full report and mail it in two weeks. My parents didn't seem too happy, they said that seemed awfully fast. Then they gave me my stuff back and I fucking ran to the Starbucks in the cafeteria. Caffeine withdrawal is a awful thing. They said there was evidence of some depression, some indication I was obsessive/compulsive, a few other things but nothing that needed anything more than if I felt like therapy, they weren't recommending it necessarily, just if I felt I needed someone to talk too. So we went home. I reminded my parents about the car, they said they would, but they expected me to be seeing a therapist. I said the deal was I would follow recommendations and that wasn't recommended, they just left it up to me. They started yelling can't you do anything without making a federal case out of it? I said I wanted to talk to that shrink in Philly I trust and I will see what he says about it, so that should be cool. We are going looking at cars tomorrow but I may have to come home for a weekend to make it happen. So I'm feeling happy. Parents are still grumbling. The doctor wasn't sympathetic to them, said, you asked the question and brought in the kid, that's our answer, what did you want the answer to be? And he said, there are longer evaluation programs, three and six weeks, but they will give you the same answers and Chip would say no to that (fucking right). Maybe I could get THEM to go to one of those, I think they need it. I don't. (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, January 13th, 2007
6:13 pm	I'm back home. They talked me into not going back to Philly for a bit. And I let them talk me into getting an evaluation. I mean, it has been a bad month, but I'm fine. But I just want them to shut up and leave me alone, so I figure a paper from a doctor will do it. Besides, they made noises about getting me a new car, my old one is so bad I didn't dare drive it from Philly to Chicago, if I get an evaluation and follow the recommendations. They set everything up, so once that is finished, I'm on the first flight to Penn. (Comment on this)
11:08 am	Parents called. They are freaking out about my going back to Philly with only leaving a note. You can imagine the conversation. And of course, they have an ideal solution "Oh, Chip, there's this wonderful facility for young adults in New York State you should consider, don't you see it will be to your long term benefit?" That's when I hung up and turned off my cell phone. They want to run my life forever. That's over with. Period. Plane leaves in 50 minutes. (Comment on this)
10:03 am	I'm at the airport, heading back to Philly a day early. I can't stand my parents anymore. I doubt I will be back for months. I told them last night, their first reaction whenever they thought I was having a problem was "Let's get Chip locked up so he can get help" and I just didn't trust them. I said I was surprised they didn't try after Bobbi died and they were trying to push me into grief counseling. They looked at each other sort of funny. I don't want to KNOW what they were thinking. I can guess. And don't forget when I was having the problems summer before last, they did get me to sign myself into the adolescent psychiatric unit twice, once for day treatment and once for five days, neither of which helped me in the least. I just can't risk being around them. Look, I'm actually starting to be successful, I don't need them undermining my confidence. So I am gone all semester at least, though I'm not going to say that. I can crash with a friend during spring break or ride on the roof of a van bound for Florida or something. They are just total poison. Why do they hate me so much? Just because I was born when their other kids were teenagers and so I postponed their having all kids out of the house for an extra fifteen years or so? Well, guess what, they fucking got their wish now. I'm gone. (Comment on this)
Friday, January 12th, 2007
1:17 pm	Rents admitted at dinner last night they were STILL thinking about sending me away to a facility when I had the depression problems in 2005. I asked them if there were any other times besides when I was 12 that they were thinking of having me go someplace, and they looked at each other and said that when I was depressed and starving myself to death and never hardly leaving my room, they did look into adolescent treatment facilities. But most of them wouldn't take me because I was 18 even if I signed in voluntarily, they wanted to make sure I couldn't leave for 6 to 9 months at least, so either I would have to agree in writing that I couldn't sign myself out without the agreement of my parents (so basicly I'd be just like the other kids there who were under 18) and only the locked facilities would agree to that because if it was an open campus and I walked away, well, you can't be arrested for running away if you are 18, or my parents would have to get a protective order against my coming home so I'd be arrested if I tried. That way I'd have no place to go if I left. And they knew I'd never agree to that. And they weren't willing to either. The places weren't like the place I wound up going to for a couple of weeks after my suicide attempt, where they really turned me around, they were long term places, most kids stay 12 or 18 months. And they said they obviously weren't thinking about having me taken there by force, that would have been illegal and it was wrong anyway, the only way it would have happened is if we went there together and looked around and all agreed it was a good place for me. Yeah, like I was going to agree to be put in a locked place for troubled teens for a year--but my parents are good at putting pressure on me so I don't know, they might have pressured me into it. They said they weren't apologizing because they were desperate and I was so obviously fading away on them and they didn't want me to die. I didn't know what to say to that so I really didn't say anything. But I made an appointment with that shrink I used to go to in Philly so I could talk this out with him. I hope I am safe now from that, I'm going to be 20 in two months, so I doubt any place like that would take me. (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 10th, 2007
12:27 pm	I've been having nightmares about the rents almost putting me in that behavior modification place when I was 12. Last night I dreamed I was in my dorm room and my parents and these two big guys, like the size they are at shows, the guys who catch the crowd surfers, came in and I couldn't move to get away and my parents said Penn wasn't the place for me and I needed to be in a place for troubled teens, the guys put cuffs on me and dragged me out the door. Then I was outside my house and they threw me in the back of a car like a police car, you know, with a partition between the front and back and Hailey was banging on the windows to try to get them to let me out but they just drove away with me. And we got to this building with no windows and they dragged me in and suddenly the cuffs were gone and so were the guys but I was in like a cell with bars and I was wearing one of those orange coverall things (that is how I remember the dream was in color). And then some people came up to the front of the cell and they had a machine or something with them and they pointed at me and said that's him. I can't remember what they were going to do with the machine but I was so scared I woke up with my heart pounding. Fucking parents. Like I don't have enough bad memories to deal with. What else were they going to do to me they never told me about? (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, January 8th, 2007
12:42 pm	Had it out with the rents about them almost putting me in that awful behavior modification place when I was 12. At first, they couldn't believe I had found out, they were like, I thought we threw that stuff away (ha, they don't throw anything away). Then they were, well, you were behaving horribly at the time, things were only getting worse, it was right after (well, I'm not going to say what I did, I'm still ashamed and I had hoped they had forgotten). They had actually scheduled me to go, I was maybe three days away from being shipped off, but they spoke with friends who said that you wouldn't send a dog to a kennel without looking at it first, how could they send me to some place when all they had was a brochure and some "letters of recommendation" (I think there was a videotape too). And they were thinking of scheduling a phony Mexican vacation and taking me down there myself, but they thought I would have been too suspicious because I certainly hadn't earned a vacation in the sun (that would have been a horrible betrayal, if they had, by the way). And in the meantime, they thought I was starting to be more reasonable, and they tried letting up on all the restrictions if I would behave. I wasn't in the mood to deal, but I didn't like being grounded no TV no music no nothing any more than the next guy so when they said, fine, we're giving you a pass in the hopes you'll behave, I was in no hurry to screw things up. Of course, I still did, but they said at least I seemed to be trying and they didn't see any need for me to go. Then Bobbi came along and I would do anything for her and when she said she couldn't have a boyfriend who was constantly in trouble and being grounded, of course I would do anything for her and I was really more afraid of her being mad at me than my parents. But anyway, they said they were horrified when word came out what that place was really like after it got shut down and they were so relieved they didn't do it. I said yeah, imagine if you had sent me in cuffs off to a place where kids' minds got damaged and I think that made them a little mad because they came right back with, yeah, they'd rank that right next to having me strapped to a hospital bed after my suicide attempt and waking up and screaming abuse at them for saving my life. They aren't supposed to use my suicide attempt against me, that was the agreement we made in family therapy, but I guess that was fair. And they said, well, it didn't happen, and I've grown up to be a wonderful (ha) young adult and we should all be thankful it worked out, because it sure didn't look like it that summer. They always win arguments. It is so fucking annoying. (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 6th, 2007
5:21 pm	Sorry, know it has been a long time since I updated. Pulled all A's again. Well, I really haven't gotten into advanced courses yet, so mostly good sized classes and it is easy to work the curve. Fly back to Philly on Sunday One thing I found out really shook me. My parents never throw anything away, and I was poking through some boxes of papers in the attic to see if there were more photos of me with Bobbi anyplace. And I found papers that said when I was having all the problems when I was 11, 12, my parents were going to send me to one of those behavior modification schools out of the country, like in Mexico, where they do terrible things to kids? And I was only 12, the older kids would have killed me. There was the papers, all filled out but not signed, to enroll me and with an agreement to have some goons come to the house and get me out of bed some morning and force me to go there. How could they even think of doing that? I mean, I was acting pretty bad around then but I was never in trouble with the cops or anything and for them to even think of having me taken like a fucking criminal to one of those places? I looked on the Web, and the Mexicans shut it down a couple of years ago. It is called Casa by the Sea. I mean, fuck, you just don't do that to a kid, not at 12. I can't mention that I found the stuff. But they try to make out that they are great parents, raised an Ivy League kid and everything. They don't deserve to raise a dog. I mean, all filled out, I was signatures and a check away from a living hell! Bastards. (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, October 21st, 2006
9:40 am	Not much going on. Midterms mostly last week. I think I did OK. I went home last weekend because Hailey was too so we got to spend a little time together. Went to the Silverstein show at the House of Blues in Chicago before going back here. Sort of broke. I had to buy my dad a present, it is his birthday on the 30th. So I have about twenty bucks to last me until November 1. Yeah, I could call home and ask for more but then I would get a lecture about budgeting and living within my means and all that. Well, I have a meal plan so I really don't need much cash if I don't mind not being able to do stuff. And I do have the emergency credit card. Going back to sleep. (Comment on this)
Friday, September 29th, 2006
4:23 pm	Let's see, went home last weekend for Rosh Hashanah. Gave my parents the opportunity to show off their poster boy. Whatever turns them on. Not much going on at Penn. Oh, I did go see Senses Fail last night, it was in the North Star Bar which is off in North Philly. I had to take the subway and a trolley to get there. I probably could have walked but that would have meant maybe walking home and it is not the best neighborhood. Ha ha, first in line to get in was that guy Gary who has been to all the Simple Plan concerts. I went up to him and said "What is Simple Plan going to do when they find out you're cheating on them?" He looked at me and said "Oh, you're that kid Chip. Well, we have an open relationship, they have other fans and I have other bands." It seems he met SF on Warped Tour this past summer and they let him in free too. Wish I had connections like that. He was first row on the side where there was a raised area and I wound up second row behind this girl, so I could easily see. It was a wild concert. I was right in front of Buddy and screaming all the lyrics right at him and he could see and he lowered the mike in my face during "Buried a Lie". I didn't hear my voice, so I bet their sound guy cut it, but it was still cool. He left it there around five seconds. I stood in line for an autographed poster but it got a little damp on the way back to Penn, it was raining by then. But it is still nice to have. They all shook my hand so I guess they noticed me, which is cool. Buddy said I was a great fan. I just love music. Pity my voice sucks and I don't play any instruments. (Comment on this)
Monday, September 18th, 2006
9:05 pm	Still skooling. Just hanging out in the dorm. I may walk over to Wawa's at 37th and Spruce. Feel like a bag of BBQ potato chips. Herr's. Senses Fail is coming to town next Thurs. I was able to grab a ticket before they sold out. They are only doing four shows before going on Taste of Chaos. I was afraid classes would be harder this year. So far it seems OK. We'll see. I'm thinking of getting a job with the dining services, earn a little cash on the side. Don't know. Obviously, I don't think much of the colleges eliminating early decision. Ha. If it hadn't been for early decision, I might not be at Penn. Guidence counselor thought it was my willingness to commit to them that put me over the top. Plus I was the only kid from my high school they took. I mean, even the guy who got into Harvard didn't get into Penn. Well, whatever. I'm here now and I'm staying for a while! (Comment on this)